Leaving Brazil, with Marli Szpaller: "I felt like I was free."

Here's my mom's story of leaving Brazil. She wasn't bluffing when at first, she told my dad she wouldn't go. I think my favorite part is how she goes so quickly from grieving after leaving her family to curiosity about being on an airplane.

One of my mom's stories inspired the first piece I posted here, the nut of a book proposal.

"I don’t recall exactly when your dad told me, but I recall telling him I wasn’t coming to the States. And then, he said he was going to come anyway. I thought, well, I’d better change my mind here.

Just think about it. I was very sheltered. I was protected there by Dad and everything. Think about going to a different world, a different country. So my first reaction was no, I’m not going to go. Then it was my dad’s turn. He called me into his little office, shut the door, and told me, Marli, you don’t have to marry Elton. You know that don’t you? I am pretty sure I told him I loved your dad, and I was going to go. I said I knew I didn’t have to marry him, but I wanted to marry him. I loved him. And he was going to go, and I was going to come along. Crazy.

  

We had been together for three years then, and we were engaged. So my dad probably wanted to make sure I knew what I was doing and make sure I wasn’t going just because I was going with your dad for so long. I don’t really have words to tell you what he said back to me, but I’m pretty sure he settled. OK. She knows she doesn’t have to marry him, but she wants to go.

I think Vovó had a different view. Vovó, I don’t think she got the whole picture, maybe. Wow. This is the way it’s going. My daughter is going so far away. I almost feel like because she was so busy, she had just had Marcia, she was with all those children, I don’t think she really had a chance to absorb everything until after I left. Just a few years before she passed away, she told me she cried for a whole year after I left. That made me cry. But she never told me at the time. She was such a strong woman.

I tell you one thing. When I was home growing up, I was always very, very  independent, and I could never be independent. I wanted to be independent. It’s almost like I always wanted to go somewhere, but I was being held back because my dad was very protective to the point of being too much, as you know. So I think once I had the chance or the opportunity, I’m going to explore, I’m going to learn. I always wanted to continue my education and learn more. I’m sure all this crossed my mind. Once we got married and I left, I felt like I was free. I could do anything.

First of all, I had to get married. So that’s what I did. We had to get a wedding going, and everything related to it. It was a lot of commotion going on because of our wedding. I was very involved in that and your dad was so excited. All he talked about was coming over. I think for him, the wedding was secondary. We talked about it and we decided, I wish we hadn’t, to tell people not to give us any wedding gifts. Give us money. And I'm sorry we did because I still have a couple pieces, gifts, that people gave us anyway.

We got married in July, and on our honeymoon, we went to Curitiba to get our papers because we needed to have our certificate of marriage and get the papers going. August, a month later, we left. We just came with our everyday clothes. That’s all. And to be honest with you, I don’t think we put much thought into what we are going to do when we get there. Your dad was confident he was going to work. Anything. I was very sheltered. I was very naive. I didn’t really think about it. Am I going to work? What am I going to do? No. I did not. Once we got here, then is when I started thinking because then of course the need comes up, right?

I didn’t even think of the airplane flight until the day came, you know. I had never flown before. I was excited. Yeah, I was excited. Today I look back and I say, I was not afraid at all. I was sad to leave my family. I cried all the way from Curitiba to either São Paulo or Rio. I cried all the way on that flight. All the way. And then from there to the States, I decided I wanted to explore. So I would go to the bathroom and open everything, every little compartment I could open to see what was there because everything was so different and new.

It was interesting. That’s why sometimes it’s good to do things when you are very, very young because you don’t think too much about it."